Wise Man 1: Have you seen the price of frankincense in the market today?
Wise Man 2: At least there’s some to be bought for those who can afford it. After the effects of the frost on this year’s harvest, I couldn’t find a drop of myrrh for love nor money.
Wise Man 3: Well, since we barely know these people, I think we should take wine. A bottle or two always goes down well at whatever we call a christening.
Wise Man 2: That’s not a bad idea, but then there’s the hassle of choosing. Nobody ever looks at the bottle of myrrh and wonders where it came from and who made it. One myrrh’s as good as the next.
Wise Man 1: Isn’t that true of Prosecco? I’ve never seen anyone pay much attention to the brand on a bottle of that.
Wise Man 3: Yes, but then everyone knows you haven’t splashed out on Champagne.
Wise Man 1: But which Champagne? If it isn’t Veuve Clicquot will they know how much you spent? I’ll bet they couldn’t tell the difference between a really good grower fizz and a cheap supermarket own-label. After all, the kid’s father’s only a carpenter – probably doesn’t know one end of a bottle from the other.
Wise Man 2: You could be wrong. If they’re anything like plumbers, they’re probably raking it in these days.
Wise Man 3: If you listen to some of the stories that are apparently going around Bethlehem, I’m not actually sure the carpenter is the father, but I know what you mean. Look, if we want to save money and give them something that looks smart and we don’t care what it tastes like, we could go for the cheapest stuff we can find with Bordeaux and some kind of fancy-looking chateau on the label.
Wise Man 2: Better still, how about one of those discounted Lussac St Emilions. They always look impressive.
Wise Man 1: But what if they open the bottles and offer us a drink? I hate Bordeaux, even when it’s supposed to be good.
Wise Man 3: Hmmm… Well, I’m not going to drink any of your Rioja or Shiraz. You know how I can’t stand those!
Wise Man 2: Well I can’t abide those cherry-juice Pinot Noirs, before anyone suggests one of them. What about a white? Chablis? Sancerre?
Wise Men 1 & 3 (in unison): At this time of the year? With snow on the ground? You’ve got to be kidding!
Wise Man 2: So there’s no point in my suggesting a Sauternes, I suppose? But how about some Port?
Wise Man 3: Sorry, but I always get an awful hangover after drinking that stuff.
Wise Man 1: Zinfandel?
Wise Man 3: Don’t get me started! And don’t even think about Malbec or Carmenere.
Wise Man 2: I saw… some really smart looking bottles of designer mineral water in the market…
Wise Men 1 & 3 (unison): Great idea! Three big bottles of those and a few loaves of bread… The perfect gift.
And a very happy Christmas to one and all!